Indifferent, happy, sad, confused, dramatic, hopeful, relaxed, excited. For the past few weeks I have been feeling so much. I feel weird, I feel a little more hopeful for the future, but at the same time totally clueless. I have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I have no doubt that anyone at the age of nineteen really knows what they want to do with their life, completely. Some people have ideas of what they'll do, and others entered college having no idea what they will study.
For me it was a bit different. I went into college having it perfectly planned out: I was in New York City, the only place I have ever really wanted to live, college in the city was my ticket in. I was positive I was going to live there for the rest of my life, no hesitations. I would study communications, become a journalist or a writer of some sort. Little did I know this perfect plan I had would be the exact opposite of what I wanted right now. I don't want to live in the greatest city on the planet right now. I don't want to be a writer right now. I don't want to be totally cultured and live this extravagant lifestyle. Right now.
So, I came home. I came home to figure it all out. I change my profession daily, constantly changing my mind, but I love it. I love that I am finally using this age and this gift of time to explore my options and explore my personality. I am not only figuring out my career, I am discovering who I will be as an adult. I have so many goals, too many ambitions, but I am really excited to discover what they all are. I can't wait to meet myself ten years from now, see what I am doing, who I am, if I am happy with where my life has taken me.
The title of my blog is "nobody knows there they might end up", taken from the theme song from the unpopular TV show "Greys Anatomy". It is kind of a pivotal statement for this point in my life. I really have no clue where I am going to end up. Does anyone? I'm almost positive my folks sure didn't. I have maybe one or two friends who are pretty driven on what they want to do, but the majority is in the same boat I am. I usually don't let people read what I write, but I figured this might just be another thing to explore, another thing to try that I haven't before. Everything is changing in my life. The people, places, interests, personality, friends, relationships. Today I cut my long hair off. Right now, this second, I hate it. But, its a change.
